W krajach anglojęzycznych 1 kwietnia jest nazywany „Dniem Głupców” (April Fools’ Day lub All Fools’ Day). W Wielkiej Brytanii, Australii i RPA zwyczaj robienia psikusów „działa” tylko do południa, później wraca się do normalności. W Szkocji natomiast trwa dwa dni i nazywa się go „Taily Day” lub „April Gowk”. Zarówno za granicą, jak i w naszym kraju zasada jest jednak wspólna – w tym czasie możemy żartować i robić psikusy do woli! Czy jednak znasz kawały i żarty po angielsku? Oto kilka klasyków z niekończącej się listy!
Szkolne żarty po angielsku
Jednym z wielu tematów do żartów jest… szkoła. W Polsce od lat królują kawały o małym Jasiu, który dyskutuje z nauczycielami lub próbuje przekonać ich do swoich racji. Angielski humor, choć nieco inny, również ma swojego Johnnego. W wielu przypadkach są to po prostu zabawne historie ze szkolnego życia wzięte, a czasem – gry słowne. Jeśli jesteś duszą towarzystwa i chcesz być znany jako mistrz humoru, koniecznie zapamiętaj poniższe dowcipy!
Longest word
Teacher: What is the longest word in the English language?
Student: „Smiles”. Because there is a mile between its first and last letters!
Who found America
Teacher: Maria, please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
Punish or not to punish
Student: Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Student: Good, because I haven’t done my homework.
Little Johnny
Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!
Which part?
A: I was born in California.
B: Which part?
A: All of me.
Ten dollars
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says: Why are you arguing? One boy answers: We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie. – You should be ashamed of yourselves – said the teacher. – When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was. The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
First day at school
Mother: Did you enjoy your first day at school?
Girl: First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?
Which tense is it?
Teacher: During this lesson we’re going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say „I am beautiful,” which tense is it?
Student: Obviously it is the past tense.
Johnny and headmaster
Headmaster: I’ve had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly!
Angielskie dowcipy o lekarzach i medycynie
Kwestią, z której Anglicy również lubią żartować jest… służba zdrowia i medycyna. Również my, Polacy, doskonale znamy żarty o problematycznych pacjentach i specyficznych lekarzach. Przeczytaj najlepsze z nich!
Kite
I went to the doctor the other day and said: Have you got anything for wind? So he gave me a kite.
Second opinion
The doctor to the patient: You are very sick
The patient to the doctor: Can I get a second opinion?
The doctor again: Yes, you are very ugly too…
It hurts
A man goes to the doctor and says: Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.
The doctor asks: What do you mean?
The man says: When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee – OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.
The doctor says: I know what’s wrong with you – you’ve broken your finger!
Pain in my eye!
Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.
Vampire
Patient: Doctor, I think that I’ve been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.
Żarty po angielsku dla nastolatków
Życie nastolatka to prawdziwa huśtawka emocjonalna – z jednej strony trzeba się uczyć, spełniać swoje ambicje, rozwijać się, a z drugiej – zawierać znajomości, bawić się i korzystać z życia. Czasem jednak trudno to połączyć, zwłaszcza gdy rodzice lub znajomi mają zupełnie inne oczekiwania. Jednym z najlepszych rozwiązań w takich sytuacjach jest… śmiech!
Wrong number
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
Wow! – said her father. – That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?
– Wrong number – replied the girl.
Absence
Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
Son: Because of absence.
Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
Son: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
Good dancer
Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don’t know, and I don’t care.
How do you know when you’re desperate for an answer?
You look at the second page of Google search results.
What is 47 + 11 + 82 + 161 + 99 + 5?
A headache.
Where do cows go on date night?
To the moovies.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say “hello from the other side”.
What should you do when no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep going until you get a reaction.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it go!
Why does ice cream get invited to every party?
Because it’s cool and sweet.
What did the baby corn say to the mom corn?
“Where’s popcorn?”
Can February March?
No, but April May.
Zdjęcie: AnnaliseArt | Pixabay